It has been a while.
The days flow by slowly, yet all of a sudden it has been a week and then already a month and then another. I know we haven't talked that much lately.. or even at all, tho we promised to stay in touch. But I do think about You and miss You dearly. I hope You know how grateful I am to know and to have met You so I could think back on the moments we were in LA or Portland or Eugene or San Francisco or New York or Callington or Copenhagen or Berlin or Lisbon or Istanbul or Helsinki or Riga or Tallinn... Or any other place where You and I met or hung out.
This letter is to You.
How have You been? Sometimes I happen so see a post or photo from You in Facebook, but recently I've been hungry for more. I want to know how are You. Melanie, do You still live in Paris? Robert, when are You coming back to Tallinn? Kemal, how's little Ayla? Karmen and Jeremy - how was Tartu (I'm so so sad we didn't meet)? Andrew, when do You plan to visit Estonia again? Malcolm, do You still go to those dancing lessons? Ugur, I think about You every time I read another news about Istanbul. Kirsti, Sa oled küll eestlane, ent ma igatsen Sind ka nii nii väga palju ning mõtlen- et millal, oh, millal ma küll Sulle külla jõuan! :) Dan, when will You finally visit Estonia? Neel, can You please please send me a pack of coffee with Rob (w/ a small note, saying "see You in NY" ;) )?
Well it has been more than two months now since I came back from my two-months vacation in California. I somehow feel like I am still there. Or at least a big big part of me is still there. "Everything makes sense" there. I'm so glad that within a year I've been there two times already, and up to three months in total.
So, since I came back I continued my work in Von Krahl Theater. We gave another set of performances of a popular production called "13" (about and for 13-year-olds). Then I was invited to be a part of one choreographer's residency, "Bubbles". And also finalised second part of my future solo project (still untitled). A couple of days ago I took some of my instruments, books and music to the rehearsing space in my theater where I intend to spend a part of my summer vacation to prepare myself for the rehearsals in August. The goal is to experiment and write music for the solo. I am very excited (and scared) because I've never done a solo before, so the self-discipline and self-motivation has to be very high to get the work done. I could always say that "I'm an artist and I need time to sit and wait for the right inspiration to arrive and knock me out...", but the truth is, there should be 99% of work behind it.
Also, two days ago I started my summer job in one restaurant in the Old Town in Tallinn, so I could save some money for my future travels. (I'm still working in Von Krahl, but as our theater is on a holidays for a month, I decided to take an extra work).
So far it has been great - the people working there are super nice and friendly and supportive. What is so interesting about this work is that the business is built up to give the visitor an experience of a medieval Tallinn and introduce estonian cuisine. Pork, beef and chicken of course. Sauerkraut. Potatoes and beans. And of course Kama.
Most of the people visiting our restaurant are tourists from all over the world - they are on a vacation, which means they are on a really really chill mode. It almost feels like I'm on a vacation too, visiting another country. Yes, by the end of the day I'm quite exhausted and my feet hurt, but it's fine! Ha! :)
At this very moment, I'm in my apartment in Tallinn, eating strawberries (yep, the season is finally here!) and listening to Buena Vista Social Club. Today is my brother's birthday and also the summer solstice. I enjoy this time of year in Estonia so much - it's so sunny and light and warm and.. all these other million reasons to live in Estonia (or in northern hemisphere). But in a couple of months, when it will get darker and darker and colder and darker again, then I remember.. "nah, I need more sunshine" and I need to get away from Estonia again. But up to that moment everything is pretty amazing. And I do wish You could be here to see and experience it!
Tomorrow is the Midsummer. I still don't know where I'm going to spend it this year. Last year I was in California on that day (I still don't know the name of the beach - about an hour south from San Francisco). I had brought a tiny-tiny bottle of Estonian liquor Vana Tallinn with me.
I'm pretty sure there wasn't anyone on that beach that evening.
The sun was setting.
I remember I wanted to make a small bonfire, but for some reason I didn't.
There was the ocean and I was just so so high (emotionally!) for just arriving to California and hearing that voice in my head: "Everything makes sense! Everything makes sense! Everything...". That was so amazing. I'm still smiling when I think back on that day.
What else? For this summer I don't have much other plans than just to work in that restaurant, write some music for the solo (I hope to keep You posted with some new sounds and songs in here) and that's about it. Hopefully I get to go to the Positivus Festival in Latvia. Can't wait to get to see and hear the Sigur Ros again. And The XX. The line-up is pretty delicious. Can't wait!
But also I can't wait to hear back from You. So I do hope You will find the moment to write me a few lines.
Take care.
Yours,
Loore
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
laupäev. so, what's Your story?
Mul pole õrna aimugi, kuidas kirjeldada kõike seda, mis viimase 24 tunni jooksul juhtun'd on. Aga ma püüan.
Täna 18:00-22:00 - Kui Jeremy mulle paar nädalat tagasi FBs lingi saatis, et näe, mis 23.veebruaril siin toimub, siis oli see viimane sündmus, millest plaanisin osa võtta. Ent, peale paari kirjavahetust San Francisco Eesti Seltsi esinaisega üleeile ning ma muutsin oma meelt.
Ühesõnaga - Eesti Vabariigi 95. aastapäeva pidustused. Kohal on ligi 200 inimest (sülelapsest vana-vanaemani). Ma arvan, et eestlasi neist vähemalt kaks kolmandikku. Ühel laual suupisteteks maasikad ning viinamarjad, kõrvaloleval kartulisalat-heeringas-must leib-hapukurgid ning suveniiride laual ka liitrine Viru Valge (vaatamiseks vist) ning kolmanda laua taga pakuvad kohalikud noormehed 5dollarilise annetuse eest veini või õlut. Üsna pea kõlab USA hümn ja kohe sellele otsa Eesti hümn. Kõlab aplaus. Mikrofonisse teatatakse esimene kõneleja, sellele järgmine, siis astub mikri ette Loore koos Pollyga ning esitab kaks lugu - "Sajab lumi" ning "Veereva elu ragin...". Kõlab aplaus. Tuleb kolmas kõneleja. Ja Loore esitab veel ühe loo. Ja sealt edasi hakkavad esinema "Riina ja Tõnu". Mis Sa arvad, mis muusikat mängivad Riina ja Tõnu, kui instrumentideks on süntesaator ning basskitarr? Jep, Saaremaa valss vähemalt. Mina aga teen Jeremyst ja Karmenist imeilusa pildi, kus noorpaar on ühendanud käed, justkui loomaks silda kahe riigi vahel, kumbki valinud oma seljataga olevaks lipuks kalli inimese kodumaa oma. Hiljem tutvun Roberti ja Jaanuse ja Jaani ja Toomase ja... surun kätt ja naeratan ja tutvun mitmegagi veel. Ning ka Agega, kes mulle juba homseks uue esinemisvõimaluse pakub. Ofkooors!! Rõõm ja maagia on minu poolel. Olen tänulik!
Täna 12-15 - Käisime hike'imas. "Leaves of three, let them be" on kui mantra, mis eelmise aasta juulikuisest roadtripist taas meelde tuleb ning mida enne metsa minemist üle kordame. Bessie on ka meiega kaasas ning vaatab peale igat kahemeetrist ettejooksmist, et me ilusti tema kannul püsiksime ning sabaliputusega sellest rõõmust ka meile siis teada annab. Tagasi linnas, kõhud tühjad ja lähme parimasse kohalikku mexican fast-foodi söögikohta. Kui muidu on linn laupäevaselt ootamatult inimtühi (kuna siin linnas elab ikkagi pea miljonit inimest!), siis sellest pisikeses kohas on ligi 40inimeseline saba. Ja söök on imemaitsev. Mhh... :)
Täna 8-12 - Väga aeglane hommik. Avan silmad, väljas on päike, ruum on ööseks poolavatud (!) akende tõttu mõnusalt jahe, tuulekellad helisevad väljas. Aeglane kohvi ja aeglane hommikusöök. Laual on peekon. Ofkoors. :)
/Vahemärkusena ütlen, et sellist kodutunnet nagu siin.. pole mul vist reisides mitte kunagi olnud. Päris ausalt, mul on selline tunne nagu.. esiteks, nagu ma tunneks Jeremyt ja Karmenit juba "tartu aegadest" ning siin olen ma neil külas vähemalt teist või kolmandat korda. Uskumatu! Parimad host'id, ever! Ja kuna nad on ise ka väga palju rännanud, oskavad nad uskumatult orgaaniliselt anda aega ja ruumi ja.. kõik kuidagi lihtsalt kulgeb oma loomulikku biiti pidi./
Eile 21-00 - Jõuan Lawrence'i rongipeatusesse. Minut enne, saadan veel rongist Jeremyle sõnumi, et kui ta näeb raudteejaamas lolli näoga seismas ühte kitarriga tüdrukut, siis andku sellest kohe märku. Kõik läheb aga oodatust palju paremini ning üsna pea leiavad mu seljakott ning Polly oma koha tema auto pagasnikus ning mina tagaistmel. Kohtumine autos on esialgu veider - Jeremy näeb välja hoopis teistsugune kui ma esialgu olin arvanud (ma ei tea isegi enam, missugune ma siis arvasin teda olevat), ning juhi kõrvalistmel oleva neiu nime ma esialgu ei kuule ning ma ei saagi aru, kes too neiu on. Hiljem tuleb välja, et ma olen miskipärast unustanud, et Jeremy on abielus eesti neiuga, kel nimeks Karmen. Jagan ka neile rongis pealtkuuldud lugu - "ära viska vana mütsi enne ära kui uus varnas ei ripu".
Jõuame nende koju. Avatakse uks ning. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT3YNA2Bt2A - muusikaliseks kujunduseks). Mulle hüppab sülle iiri setteri-kolli segu Bessie, kes tervitab mind justkui ammust sõpra. Isa istub diivanil, vaatab telekat ning viipab mulle tervituseks. Ema tuleb tagatoast käed kallistuseks avali justkui oleksin lähedane sugulane, kes peale aastast eemalolekut tagasi koju tuleb. Ning siis tuleb rahulikult tatsudes 94aastane vanaema, kes mu paljaid varbaid nähes mulle kohe oma toast oma tibatillukesed lillad sussid toob. "You can have them," ütleb ta mulle peale seda kui bigfoot-tuhkatriinu neid susse oma suure varba otsa pigistada soovib ning viisakalt keeldudes vanaemale tagasi ulatab. Bessie tantsib ja hüppab ikka veel mu jalgade ümber ning ka pereliikmete manistustele vaatamata minu lähedalt ei lahku. Köögist tuuakse IPA (Belgium?) ning krõpsud ning me lähme üles. Mul on suisa oma tuba - selleks on Jeremy stuudio. Ma olen ümbritsetud instrumentidest ning viirukitest ja Karmeni maalidest ning küünaldest ja ma ei suuda oma õnne uskuda. Istume, tutvume, räägime. Kuna nüüd tuleb jutu sees välja see, et noored tutvusid Tartus, aastaid mitu tagasi, siis.. käib mu sees justkui klõps - Tartu - muidugi. Seda biiti ma tean ja tunnen. Kohe on siuke tunne, et tõesti, me oleme justkui sõbrad-sugulased "Tartu aegadest", ometi kohtusime esimest korda umbes 12 minutit tagasi. Ja siis.. Ja siis ja siis ja siis. Järgnevatel tundidel on mitu etappi ning mitu lauset, mis kummitama jäävad. Ja need tunded ning tundmused, mis nii vertikaal- kui horisontaallevelitel mitte kunagi ei ristu, aga põimuvad. Me lähme õue ning istume tagaaias, kreekapähklipuu all. Ja seal paremal pool on granaatõunapuu ja seal veel apelsini- ja sidruni- ja greibi- ja siin on istutatud need ja need taimed ja lilled ja.. Millegipärast jääb mulle pimeduses istudes tunne, et Jeremy ja Karmeni seljataha jääv aed avaneb justkui meeletuks džungliks. Me kohal on tähistaevas ning pea tervikuks saav kuu. On vaikne ja soe. Me tuleme tuppa tagasi. Mu vaimustus ei hääbu ega lõpe. Vestleme Karmeniga veel. Ta räägib mulle oma aastast siin. Ja rohelistest murudest majade ees - see sama 5x5 meetrine murulapp, mis linna joogiveele üsna pea kriipsu peale tõmbab, peab olema kastetud ja kastetud ja kastetud ja niidetud, et see oleks roheline - see on justkui jõukuse märk. Sellel murul ei käi keegi, peale mehhiklasest muruniitja (igal majapidamisel on oma isiklik mehhiklasest muruniitja) ning naabri koerad oma junnidega väetamas. Ent muru peab olema roheline.
Siis tuleb aga öö ja linnakodanikud jäävad magama.
Eile - 18:12 - 19:30 - Tema viskab mu Oaklandi kesklinnas bart-metroopeatuses tänavanurgal maha ning ütleb, et vot nüüd on Sul küll kiire. Sa pead jõudma 47 minutiga San Francisco raudteejaama. Where the F* is that? Võtan tagaistmelt oma kitarri ning seljakoti ning tuiskan mööda treppe maa-alla. Sisestan 3,25 dollarit masinasse ning mulle krõbiseb välja sinine pilet. Väravatest läbi.. ja nüüd? Torman esimestest treppidest alla, küsin kas siit läheb Montgomery peatusesse SF-s. Ei, teistest treppidest alla. Okei, veel treppe. Olen ärritunud ja segaduses. 1 minut ning metroo sõidab ette. 14 minutit hiljem olen tormamas SF financial districtis metroojaama treppidest üles, müksates oma kitarri ning seljakotiga igaühte mu teel. Palun vabandust. Palun vabandust. Sorry. Palun vabandust. Kui ühtäkki - faceplant - keset elevaatorit otsustan käe ja põse ja põlve maha panna. Murdosa sekund hiljem olen püsti ja torman ja müksan edasi. Kesklinn, tipptund, kõrghooned, ristmik - okei. Nii, vaja vastu võtta otsus - kus suunas nüüd tormata ja müksata. Mu aitajaks on üks flegma naisterahvas, kes peale vasaku ja parema mulle midagi uut siin maailmas ei õpeta (but i knew that already!!!). Willa, mu iPhone, kaardiks käes, lidun mööda tänavaid. Okei, suund on õige. Aega on 20 minutit rongi väljumiseni. Okei, 18 kui nüüd täpne olla. Ruttu!! Aga ei, igal ristmikul on minu ees punane tuli. Aga surma ka ei viitsi saada. Kui paned hullu, siis ole ettevaatlik. Ja kui paned eriti hullu, siis ole eriti ettevaatlik. Jälle uus ristmik, jälle punane tuli. Jälle uus ja jälle punane. 10 minutit veel. 8 minutit veel. 4 minutit veel ja kaks ristmikku veel. 2 minutit veel ja mu ees on viimane ristmik ja viimane punane tuli. Rongijaam. Piletiaparaat. Liiga suur rahasumma. Snäkiputka - rahavahetus. Piletiaparaat - Lawrence - 4. piirkond - yes, i agree, accept-accept, yes, yes, confirm, pilet, raha tagastus. Nii, kuhu nüüd.. viimane minut. 8 perrooni, 8 rongi. Ja siis arusaamine, et olen sellest rongist maha jäänud. Thas used to be your comfort zone but now this is where the shit happens. F*! Ärritumine segatuna kurrrbusga, ometi ei luba ma endal maha istuda ja tönnima puhkeda. Aga pole ka põhjust, kuna uus rong on juba ette sõitnud ning 10 minuti pärast lubatakse juba omale kohale istuda. Kord juba rongis, hingan sügavalt ning tean, et kõik on juba väga hästi. Pole enam oma comfort zone'is, no more shit happens, veel pole ka päris magic, ent kõik on hästi.
Mu selja taga istub nägus noormees. Tema kõrvale istub Olga, Poolast - nagu paari minuti pärast välja tuleb. Noored hakkavad omavahel vestlema. Kust tuled, kuhu lähed, õpid-töötad, jne. Noormehel on vali hääl, seepärast kuulen (ja hiljem huviga ka kuulan) vestlust pealt. Noormees on kohalik. Noormehele meeldib tantsida. Noormees käib ülikoolis, kuid õpib nii igavaid asju, et ei hakka neist rääkimagi. Noormees on 21aastane. Noormees on oma tüdrukuga koos olnud 7 kuud. Noormehele meeldib kirjutada - tahad ma loen Sulle midagi ette (järgneb deklamatsioon noormehe märkikust). Noormehele meeldivad veel.. (siinkohal enam ei mäleta, millest nad rääkisid, ma jätkasin oma raamatu lugemist).
Ühel hetkel aga kuulen taas vestlust pealt.
-"I'm feeling antsy".
-Ahah, ja mispärast, küsib neiu.
-Mina ja mu girlfriend lähme täna lahku.
-Eemm, kas Sa soovid vett? Ja Olga pakub noormehele pudelit.
-Oh, ei, aitäh. Muuseas, Sul on väga ilusad silmad.
Paarikümne minuti pärast jõuab kätte noormehe peatus. Millegipärast ta Olgalt telefoninumbrit ei küsi, aga tema ilusaid silmi kiidab veel küll. Nad lehvitavad. Lehvitavad veel kui ka noormees on rongist perroonile astunud ning akna poole kiikab. Ning kui rong taas liikuma hakkab näen peegeldusest, kuidas Olga veel talle järele vaatab ning siis naeratades oma peegelpilti aknal vaatama jääb. :)
Ka mina naeratan. Olga pärast.
///
I have no idea how to describe all this what has happened within the past 24hrs. But I'll do my best.
Today 6pm-10pm - When Jeremy sent me a link in Facebook, saying - theres an estonian independence day party the night of the 23rd if you wanted to join us - that was the last event i planned to attend. Tho, after a couple of emails with the organiser, i changed my mind.
So, Estonian 95th Independence Day. With almost 200 attendees (from an infant to great-grandmother), i think almost 2/3 of them were estonians. On one table were strawberries and grapes, on the next classical potatoe salad, herring, black bread, pickles and on the souvenir table a one-litre Viru Valge vodka and behind the third table were local men offering a 5dollar wine or beer. Soon it is time for the two national anthems. Applaud. First speech, then second, then Loore with Polly singing "Sajab lumi" and "Veereva elu ragin.." Applaud. Third speech. Applaud. And one more song from Loore. And then it's time for "Riina and Tõnu", on synthesiser and bass. Can You guess what kind of music were they playing. Exactly - at least Saaremaa valss. I take couple of pictures of the lovely Karmen and Jeremy, where the couple has joined hands (and hearts), tho both of them standing in front of the flag of their loved-ones homecountry. Later i meet with Robert, Jaanus, Jaan, Toomas... I shake hands and smile and meet with many others. Among them with Age, who asks for my number for another gig happening tomorrow. Ofcourse!! The happiness and magic are on my side. I am grateful.
Today 12-3pm - We went for a hike. "Leaves of three, let them be" sounded as a mantra learnt from the road trip in Yosemite park in july last year, and we repeat it over again before we enter the woods. Bessie is also with us and turns around after every two meters to see if we still stick behind her and having that confirmation is wagging his tail for joy. Once back, we are hungry as hell and we go to eat to an amazing mexican fast-food restaurant. Tho the city is unexpectedly empty, the place is crowded. And the food is delicious. Yum!
Today 8-12 am - A very slow morning. I open my eyes, it's sunny sunny day, the room is cool thanks to the half-open windows (!) and i can hear the bells singing in the breeze. A slow coffee and slow breakfast. And there's bacon on the table. Of course! :)
/As a side-note i have to say that this kind of hospitality and home-like feeling as here.. i think I've never experienced. Honestly! I feel like.. first, like i knew Jeremy and Karmen back from the "tartu-days" and I'm visiting them at least for second or third time. Unbelivable! The best hosts ever!!! And as they have traveled a lot too, they can give space and time in such an easy way... and everything is so.. chill! :) )
Yesterday 9-00pm - I arrive to the Lawrence caltrain-station. Just a minute before i send a text to Jeremy that once when he sees a girl with a guitar standing in the station looking stupid, to shout out loud. Everything turns out perfect, soon Polly and my back-bag are in the trunk and I am sitting in the back seat. The first moments in the car are a bit weird - Jeremy looks totally different from what i thought he might look like (tho now i dont even know, what did i think he might look like). And I cant hear the name of the girl sitting on the passengers seat, and actually I don't even understand who she is. Later, as appears, I have forgotten that Jeremy is married to an estonian young lady, who's name is Karmen. I share with them the story of the conversation i overheard in the train - "dont throw away Your old hat before You have a new hat hanging".
We arrive to their house. They open the door and... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT3YNA2Bt2A - as for sound design). Bessie comes and jumps to my lap and greets me with a watery kiss as she greets a long-gone friend. The dad sits on the couch and gives me a warm smile. The mom comes to me with her arms wide open for a hug and gives me a box of chocolates as for a close relative, who returns after a year. Slowly but surely comes the 92year-old grandmother, who after seeing my bare feet gives me her purple miniature slippers. "You can have them" she says, after I, the bigfoot-cinderella, have tried to squeeze my big toes in them, yet humbly willing to return the gift.
Bessie is still dancing and jumping around my feet disobeying the requests from the family members. I am handed an IPA and chips and we go upstairs with Karmen and Jeremy. I am shown to my room - which is Jeremy's studio. I am surrounded by instruments and incents and Karmen's paintings and candles and I cannot believe my happiness. We sit, we meet, we talk. Now, we talk about how they met two years ago in Tartu, fell in love and got married.. "click" - i got it - Tartu - of course! I know that beat. Immediately i feel like really, we are long time friends, back from Tartu, tho we met for the first time only 12 minutes ago. And then. And then and then and then... The following hours have several landmarks and sentences that lead us through the evening. These emotions and feelings, on vertical and horisontal levels don't ever cross, yet intertwine. We go outside and sit in the backyard under the chestnut tree. And there is the pomegranate tree, and there's the lemon tree and the orange and grapefruit and here are those and those plants and flowers. Sitting there in the dark, i get a feeling like the garden behind Karmen and Jeremy opens up like an endless jungle. The sky above us is starry and the moon is almost a whole. It's warm and quiet. We go inside. My ardor does not vanish nor end. Me and Karmen stay up for more. She tells me about her first year here. And the green lawns in front of the houses - the same 5x5 meters grass (that is very bad for the city drinking water) has to be watered and watered and mowed and watered for it to be green - it is the symbol of wealth. Nobody walks on that lawn, except the mexican who comes to mow the lawn (every house has it's own mexican) and of course the neighbours dog to shit on it. The grass must stay green!
But then comes the night and the citizens go back to sleep.
Yesterday 6:12-7:30pm - He droppes me off in the bart-station in Oakland and says, now You're in a hurry! You must get within 47 minutes to the San Francisco train station.
Where the F* is that?
I grab my guitar and the back-bag from the backseat and rush down the stairs. I insert 3,26 to the machine and it prints me the blue ticket. Through the gates.. and.. now? I rush down from another stairs. Is this it? No, You have to take the other one. Ok, more stairs. I'm irritated and confused. 1 more minute and the bart-train arrives. 14 minutes later I'm rushing up from the stairs in SF financial district, punching and pushing everyone with my guitar and bag. I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry. And suddenly - faceplant - i land on my face on the elevator. A fraction of a second later I'm up, running and pushing up the stairs again. And I'm out - City center, rush hour, skyscrapers, intersection - okay! So, the decision - which way to start running and pushing again. A very phlegmatic lady can only say left and right and left and right, so I start running. Willa, my iPhone, as a map in my hand, i run down the streets. Great, the direction is right. I mean right, as the right one, not.. Ok, anyway. I have 20 minutest til the train leaves. Ok, 18 actually. Quickly!! But now, on every intersection there's a red light. Another intersection, another red light, another one and another one. 10 minutes. 8 minutes. 4 minutes and two intersections. 2 minutes and in front of me is the last intersection and last red light. Train station. Ticket machine. The amount of money inserted to the machine is too big. I go and change it and back to the ticket machine. Lawrence. 4th. Yes, i agree, accept, accept, yes, yes, confirm, ticket, change. Ok, now where. The last minute. 8 platforms, 8 trains. And then... I missed mine. (That used to be your comfort zone but now this is where the shit happens. F*! Irrrrritation mixed with sorrrrrow, but i dont allow myself to break down and crrrry. But, there's no reason, because the new train has already arrived and in less than 10 minutes i'm allowed to find my seat. Once in train, i take a deep breath and know that everything is alright again. I'm not in my comfort zone any more, not yet in the magic but no more shit happens too.
Behind me is sitting a handsome young man. Olga, from Poland, sits next to him. They start speaking. Where are You from, where are You going, studying-working etc. The young man has a quite loud voice so that's why i overhear (and later listen to) their conversation. Olga is from Poland. The young man is local. He loves to dance. He goes to university, but he studies so boring stuff that he wouldn't bother her with that. He is 21. He has been together with his girlfriend for 7 months. He loves to write - "You want me to read You some?" (and he declaims something from his journal). He loves.. (here now i can't remember what they were talking about. I continue with my book).
But at one point the conversation catches my ear again.
-"I'm feeling antsy"
-"Oh, ok, why? she asks.
-Me and my girlfriend - I think we're going to break up tonight.
-Oh, I'm so sorry. Do You want some water.
-No, thank you. By the way, You have really beautiful eyes. I really love Your eyes.
In twenty minutes it's his stop. For some reason he does NOT ask for her number, but talks keeps on making compliments about her eyes. They wave to each other. They wave once more where he is off from the train and is standing on the platform and looks at Olga. And as the train starts to move again I can see from the reflection how Olga looks back at him, smiles and stays to gaze her eyes on reflection on the window.
I smile too. For Olga.
Täna 18:00-22:00 - Kui Jeremy mulle paar nädalat tagasi FBs lingi saatis, et näe, mis 23.veebruaril siin toimub, siis oli see viimane sündmus, millest plaanisin osa võtta. Ent, peale paari kirjavahetust San Francisco Eesti Seltsi esinaisega üleeile ning ma muutsin oma meelt.
Ühesõnaga - Eesti Vabariigi 95. aastapäeva pidustused. Kohal on ligi 200 inimest (sülelapsest vana-vanaemani). Ma arvan, et eestlasi neist vähemalt kaks kolmandikku. Ühel laual suupisteteks maasikad ning viinamarjad, kõrvaloleval kartulisalat-heeringas-must leib-hapukurgid ning suveniiride laual ka liitrine Viru Valge (vaatamiseks vist) ning kolmanda laua taga pakuvad kohalikud noormehed 5dollarilise annetuse eest veini või õlut. Üsna pea kõlab USA hümn ja kohe sellele otsa Eesti hümn. Kõlab aplaus. Mikrofonisse teatatakse esimene kõneleja, sellele järgmine, siis astub mikri ette Loore koos Pollyga ning esitab kaks lugu - "Sajab lumi" ning "Veereva elu ragin...". Kõlab aplaus. Tuleb kolmas kõneleja. Ja Loore esitab veel ühe loo. Ja sealt edasi hakkavad esinema "Riina ja Tõnu". Mis Sa arvad, mis muusikat mängivad Riina ja Tõnu, kui instrumentideks on süntesaator ning basskitarr? Jep, Saaremaa valss vähemalt. Mina aga teen Jeremyst ja Karmenist imeilusa pildi, kus noorpaar on ühendanud käed, justkui loomaks silda kahe riigi vahel, kumbki valinud oma seljataga olevaks lipuks kalli inimese kodumaa oma. Hiljem tutvun Roberti ja Jaanuse ja Jaani ja Toomase ja... surun kätt ja naeratan ja tutvun mitmegagi veel. Ning ka Agega, kes mulle juba homseks uue esinemisvõimaluse pakub. Ofkooors!! Rõõm ja maagia on minu poolel. Olen tänulik!
Täna 12-15 - Käisime hike'imas. "Leaves of three, let them be" on kui mantra, mis eelmise aasta juulikuisest roadtripist taas meelde tuleb ning mida enne metsa minemist üle kordame. Bessie on ka meiega kaasas ning vaatab peale igat kahemeetrist ettejooksmist, et me ilusti tema kannul püsiksime ning sabaliputusega sellest rõõmust ka meile siis teada annab. Tagasi linnas, kõhud tühjad ja lähme parimasse kohalikku mexican fast-foodi söögikohta. Kui muidu on linn laupäevaselt ootamatult inimtühi (kuna siin linnas elab ikkagi pea miljonit inimest!), siis sellest pisikeses kohas on ligi 40inimeseline saba. Ja söök on imemaitsev. Mhh... :)
Täna 8-12 - Väga aeglane hommik. Avan silmad, väljas on päike, ruum on ööseks poolavatud (!) akende tõttu mõnusalt jahe, tuulekellad helisevad väljas. Aeglane kohvi ja aeglane hommikusöök. Laual on peekon. Ofkoors. :)
/Vahemärkusena ütlen, et sellist kodutunnet nagu siin.. pole mul vist reisides mitte kunagi olnud. Päris ausalt, mul on selline tunne nagu.. esiteks, nagu ma tunneks Jeremyt ja Karmenit juba "tartu aegadest" ning siin olen ma neil külas vähemalt teist või kolmandat korda. Uskumatu! Parimad host'id, ever! Ja kuna nad on ise ka väga palju rännanud, oskavad nad uskumatult orgaaniliselt anda aega ja ruumi ja.. kõik kuidagi lihtsalt kulgeb oma loomulikku biiti pidi./
Eile 21-00 - Jõuan Lawrence'i rongipeatusesse. Minut enne, saadan veel rongist Jeremyle sõnumi, et kui ta näeb raudteejaamas lolli näoga seismas ühte kitarriga tüdrukut, siis andku sellest kohe märku. Kõik läheb aga oodatust palju paremini ning üsna pea leiavad mu seljakott ning Polly oma koha tema auto pagasnikus ning mina tagaistmel. Kohtumine autos on esialgu veider - Jeremy näeb välja hoopis teistsugune kui ma esialgu olin arvanud (ma ei tea isegi enam, missugune ma siis arvasin teda olevat), ning juhi kõrvalistmel oleva neiu nime ma esialgu ei kuule ning ma ei saagi aru, kes too neiu on. Hiljem tuleb välja, et ma olen miskipärast unustanud, et Jeremy on abielus eesti neiuga, kel nimeks Karmen. Jagan ka neile rongis pealtkuuldud lugu - "ära viska vana mütsi enne ära kui uus varnas ei ripu".
Jõuame nende koju. Avatakse uks ning. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT3YNA2Bt2A - muusikaliseks kujunduseks). Mulle hüppab sülle iiri setteri-kolli segu Bessie, kes tervitab mind justkui ammust sõpra. Isa istub diivanil, vaatab telekat ning viipab mulle tervituseks. Ema tuleb tagatoast käed kallistuseks avali justkui oleksin lähedane sugulane, kes peale aastast eemalolekut tagasi koju tuleb. Ning siis tuleb rahulikult tatsudes 94aastane vanaema, kes mu paljaid varbaid nähes mulle kohe oma toast oma tibatillukesed lillad sussid toob. "You can have them," ütleb ta mulle peale seda kui bigfoot-tuhkatriinu neid susse oma suure varba otsa pigistada soovib ning viisakalt keeldudes vanaemale tagasi ulatab. Bessie tantsib ja hüppab ikka veel mu jalgade ümber ning ka pereliikmete manistustele vaatamata minu lähedalt ei lahku. Köögist tuuakse IPA (Belgium?) ning krõpsud ning me lähme üles. Mul on suisa oma tuba - selleks on Jeremy stuudio. Ma olen ümbritsetud instrumentidest ning viirukitest ja Karmeni maalidest ning küünaldest ja ma ei suuda oma õnne uskuda. Istume, tutvume, räägime. Kuna nüüd tuleb jutu sees välja see, et noored tutvusid Tartus, aastaid mitu tagasi, siis.. käib mu sees justkui klõps - Tartu - muidugi. Seda biiti ma tean ja tunnen. Kohe on siuke tunne, et tõesti, me oleme justkui sõbrad-sugulased "Tartu aegadest", ometi kohtusime esimest korda umbes 12 minutit tagasi. Ja siis.. Ja siis ja siis ja siis. Järgnevatel tundidel on mitu etappi ning mitu lauset, mis kummitama jäävad. Ja need tunded ning tundmused, mis nii vertikaal- kui horisontaallevelitel mitte kunagi ei ristu, aga põimuvad. Me lähme õue ning istume tagaaias, kreekapähklipuu all. Ja seal paremal pool on granaatõunapuu ja seal veel apelsini- ja sidruni- ja greibi- ja siin on istutatud need ja need taimed ja lilled ja.. Millegipärast jääb mulle pimeduses istudes tunne, et Jeremy ja Karmeni seljataha jääv aed avaneb justkui meeletuks džungliks. Me kohal on tähistaevas ning pea tervikuks saav kuu. On vaikne ja soe. Me tuleme tuppa tagasi. Mu vaimustus ei hääbu ega lõpe. Vestleme Karmeniga veel. Ta räägib mulle oma aastast siin. Ja rohelistest murudest majade ees - see sama 5x5 meetrine murulapp, mis linna joogiveele üsna pea kriipsu peale tõmbab, peab olema kastetud ja kastetud ja kastetud ja niidetud, et see oleks roheline - see on justkui jõukuse märk. Sellel murul ei käi keegi, peale mehhiklasest muruniitja (igal majapidamisel on oma isiklik mehhiklasest muruniitja) ning naabri koerad oma junnidega väetamas. Ent muru peab olema roheline.
Siis tuleb aga öö ja linnakodanikud jäävad magama.
Eile - 18:12 - 19:30 - Tema viskab mu Oaklandi kesklinnas bart-metroopeatuses tänavanurgal maha ning ütleb, et vot nüüd on Sul küll kiire. Sa pead jõudma 47 minutiga San Francisco raudteejaama. Where the F* is that? Võtan tagaistmelt oma kitarri ning seljakoti ning tuiskan mööda treppe maa-alla. Sisestan 3,25 dollarit masinasse ning mulle krõbiseb välja sinine pilet. Väravatest läbi.. ja nüüd? Torman esimestest treppidest alla, küsin kas siit läheb Montgomery peatusesse SF-s. Ei, teistest treppidest alla. Okei, veel treppe. Olen ärritunud ja segaduses. 1 minut ning metroo sõidab ette. 14 minutit hiljem olen tormamas SF financial districtis metroojaama treppidest üles, müksates oma kitarri ning seljakotiga igaühte mu teel. Palun vabandust. Palun vabandust. Sorry. Palun vabandust. Kui ühtäkki - faceplant - keset elevaatorit otsustan käe ja põse ja põlve maha panna. Murdosa sekund hiljem olen püsti ja torman ja müksan edasi. Kesklinn, tipptund, kõrghooned, ristmik - okei. Nii, vaja vastu võtta otsus - kus suunas nüüd tormata ja müksata. Mu aitajaks on üks flegma naisterahvas, kes peale vasaku ja parema mulle midagi uut siin maailmas ei õpeta (but i knew that already!!!). Willa, mu iPhone, kaardiks käes, lidun mööda tänavaid. Okei, suund on õige. Aega on 20 minutit rongi väljumiseni. Okei, 18 kui nüüd täpne olla. Ruttu!! Aga ei, igal ristmikul on minu ees punane tuli. Aga surma ka ei viitsi saada. Kui paned hullu, siis ole ettevaatlik. Ja kui paned eriti hullu, siis ole eriti ettevaatlik. Jälle uus ristmik, jälle punane tuli. Jälle uus ja jälle punane. 10 minutit veel. 8 minutit veel. 4 minutit veel ja kaks ristmikku veel. 2 minutit veel ja mu ees on viimane ristmik ja viimane punane tuli. Rongijaam. Piletiaparaat. Liiga suur rahasumma. Snäkiputka - rahavahetus. Piletiaparaat - Lawrence - 4. piirkond - yes, i agree, accept-accept, yes, yes, confirm, pilet, raha tagastus. Nii, kuhu nüüd.. viimane minut. 8 perrooni, 8 rongi. Ja siis arusaamine, et olen sellest rongist maha jäänud. Thas used to be your comfort zone but now this is where the shit happens. F*! Ärritumine segatuna kurrrbusga, ometi ei luba ma endal maha istuda ja tönnima puhkeda. Aga pole ka põhjust, kuna uus rong on juba ette sõitnud ning 10 minuti pärast lubatakse juba omale kohale istuda. Kord juba rongis, hingan sügavalt ning tean, et kõik on juba väga hästi. Pole enam oma comfort zone'is, no more shit happens, veel pole ka päris magic, ent kõik on hästi.
Mu selja taga istub nägus noormees. Tema kõrvale istub Olga, Poolast - nagu paari minuti pärast välja tuleb. Noored hakkavad omavahel vestlema. Kust tuled, kuhu lähed, õpid-töötad, jne. Noormehel on vali hääl, seepärast kuulen (ja hiljem huviga ka kuulan) vestlust pealt. Noormees on kohalik. Noormehele meeldib tantsida. Noormees käib ülikoolis, kuid õpib nii igavaid asju, et ei hakka neist rääkimagi. Noormees on 21aastane. Noormees on oma tüdrukuga koos olnud 7 kuud. Noormehele meeldib kirjutada - tahad ma loen Sulle midagi ette (järgneb deklamatsioon noormehe märkikust). Noormehele meeldivad veel.. (siinkohal enam ei mäleta, millest nad rääkisid, ma jätkasin oma raamatu lugemist).
Ühel hetkel aga kuulen taas vestlust pealt.
-"I'm feeling antsy".
-Ahah, ja mispärast, küsib neiu.
-Mina ja mu girlfriend lähme täna lahku.
-Eemm, kas Sa soovid vett? Ja Olga pakub noormehele pudelit.
-Oh, ei, aitäh. Muuseas, Sul on väga ilusad silmad.
Paarikümne minuti pärast jõuab kätte noormehe peatus. Millegipärast ta Olgalt telefoninumbrit ei küsi, aga tema ilusaid silmi kiidab veel küll. Nad lehvitavad. Lehvitavad veel kui ka noormees on rongist perroonile astunud ning akna poole kiikab. Ning kui rong taas liikuma hakkab näen peegeldusest, kuidas Olga veel talle järele vaatab ning siis naeratades oma peegelpilti aknal vaatama jääb. :)
Ka mina naeratan. Olga pärast.
///
I have no idea how to describe all this what has happened within the past 24hrs. But I'll do my best.
Today 6pm-10pm - When Jeremy sent me a link in Facebook, saying - theres an estonian independence day party the night of the 23rd if you wanted to join us - that was the last event i planned to attend. Tho, after a couple of emails with the organiser, i changed my mind.
So, Estonian 95th Independence Day. With almost 200 attendees (from an infant to great-grandmother), i think almost 2/3 of them were estonians. On one table were strawberries and grapes, on the next classical potatoe salad, herring, black bread, pickles and on the souvenir table a one-litre Viru Valge vodka and behind the third table were local men offering a 5dollar wine or beer. Soon it is time for the two national anthems. Applaud. First speech, then second, then Loore with Polly singing "Sajab lumi" and "Veereva elu ragin.." Applaud. Third speech. Applaud. And one more song from Loore. And then it's time for "Riina and Tõnu", on synthesiser and bass. Can You guess what kind of music were they playing. Exactly - at least Saaremaa valss. I take couple of pictures of the lovely Karmen and Jeremy, where the couple has joined hands (and hearts), tho both of them standing in front of the flag of their loved-ones homecountry. Later i meet with Robert, Jaanus, Jaan, Toomas... I shake hands and smile and meet with many others. Among them with Age, who asks for my number for another gig happening tomorrow. Ofcourse!! The happiness and magic are on my side. I am grateful.
Today 12-3pm - We went for a hike. "Leaves of three, let them be" sounded as a mantra learnt from the road trip in Yosemite park in july last year, and we repeat it over again before we enter the woods. Bessie is also with us and turns around after every two meters to see if we still stick behind her and having that confirmation is wagging his tail for joy. Once back, we are hungry as hell and we go to eat to an amazing mexican fast-food restaurant. Tho the city is unexpectedly empty, the place is crowded. And the food is delicious. Yum!
Today 8-12 am - A very slow morning. I open my eyes, it's sunny sunny day, the room is cool thanks to the half-open windows (!) and i can hear the bells singing in the breeze. A slow coffee and slow breakfast. And there's bacon on the table. Of course! :)
/As a side-note i have to say that this kind of hospitality and home-like feeling as here.. i think I've never experienced. Honestly! I feel like.. first, like i knew Jeremy and Karmen back from the "tartu-days" and I'm visiting them at least for second or third time. Unbelivable! The best hosts ever!!! And as they have traveled a lot too, they can give space and time in such an easy way... and everything is so.. chill! :) )
Yesterday 9-00pm - I arrive to the Lawrence caltrain-station. Just a minute before i send a text to Jeremy that once when he sees a girl with a guitar standing in the station looking stupid, to shout out loud. Everything turns out perfect, soon Polly and my back-bag are in the trunk and I am sitting in the back seat. The first moments in the car are a bit weird - Jeremy looks totally different from what i thought he might look like (tho now i dont even know, what did i think he might look like). And I cant hear the name of the girl sitting on the passengers seat, and actually I don't even understand who she is. Later, as appears, I have forgotten that Jeremy is married to an estonian young lady, who's name is Karmen. I share with them the story of the conversation i overheard in the train - "dont throw away Your old hat before You have a new hat hanging".
We arrive to their house. They open the door and... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zT3YNA2Bt2A - as for sound design). Bessie comes and jumps to my lap and greets me with a watery kiss as she greets a long-gone friend. The dad sits on the couch and gives me a warm smile. The mom comes to me with her arms wide open for a hug and gives me a box of chocolates as for a close relative, who returns after a year. Slowly but surely comes the 92year-old grandmother, who after seeing my bare feet gives me her purple miniature slippers. "You can have them" she says, after I, the bigfoot-cinderella, have tried to squeeze my big toes in them, yet humbly willing to return the gift.
Bessie is still dancing and jumping around my feet disobeying the requests from the family members. I am handed an IPA and chips and we go upstairs with Karmen and Jeremy. I am shown to my room - which is Jeremy's studio. I am surrounded by instruments and incents and Karmen's paintings and candles and I cannot believe my happiness. We sit, we meet, we talk. Now, we talk about how they met two years ago in Tartu, fell in love and got married.. "click" - i got it - Tartu - of course! I know that beat. Immediately i feel like really, we are long time friends, back from Tartu, tho we met for the first time only 12 minutes ago. And then. And then and then and then... The following hours have several landmarks and sentences that lead us through the evening. These emotions and feelings, on vertical and horisontal levels don't ever cross, yet intertwine. We go outside and sit in the backyard under the chestnut tree. And there is the pomegranate tree, and there's the lemon tree and the orange and grapefruit and here are those and those plants and flowers. Sitting there in the dark, i get a feeling like the garden behind Karmen and Jeremy opens up like an endless jungle. The sky above us is starry and the moon is almost a whole. It's warm and quiet. We go inside. My ardor does not vanish nor end. Me and Karmen stay up for more. She tells me about her first year here. And the green lawns in front of the houses - the same 5x5 meters grass (that is very bad for the city drinking water) has to be watered and watered and mowed and watered for it to be green - it is the symbol of wealth. Nobody walks on that lawn, except the mexican who comes to mow the lawn (every house has it's own mexican) and of course the neighbours dog to shit on it. The grass must stay green!
But then comes the night and the citizens go back to sleep.
Yesterday 6:12-7:30pm - He droppes me off in the bart-station in Oakland and says, now You're in a hurry! You must get within 47 minutes to the San Francisco train station.
Where the F* is that?
I grab my guitar and the back-bag from the backseat and rush down the stairs. I insert 3,26 to the machine and it prints me the blue ticket. Through the gates.. and.. now? I rush down from another stairs. Is this it? No, You have to take the other one. Ok, more stairs. I'm irritated and confused. 1 more minute and the bart-train arrives. 14 minutes later I'm rushing up from the stairs in SF financial district, punching and pushing everyone with my guitar and bag. I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry. And suddenly - faceplant - i land on my face on the elevator. A fraction of a second later I'm up, running and pushing up the stairs again. And I'm out - City center, rush hour, skyscrapers, intersection - okay! So, the decision - which way to start running and pushing again. A very phlegmatic lady can only say left and right and left and right, so I start running. Willa, my iPhone, as a map in my hand, i run down the streets. Great, the direction is right. I mean right, as the right one, not.. Ok, anyway. I have 20 minutest til the train leaves. Ok, 18 actually. Quickly!! But now, on every intersection there's a red light. Another intersection, another red light, another one and another one. 10 minutes. 8 minutes. 4 minutes and two intersections. 2 minutes and in front of me is the last intersection and last red light. Train station. Ticket machine. The amount of money inserted to the machine is too big. I go and change it and back to the ticket machine. Lawrence. 4th. Yes, i agree, accept, accept, yes, yes, confirm, ticket, change. Ok, now where. The last minute. 8 platforms, 8 trains. And then... I missed mine. (That used to be your comfort zone but now this is where the shit happens. F*! Irrrrritation mixed with sorrrrrow, but i dont allow myself to break down and crrrry. But, there's no reason, because the new train has already arrived and in less than 10 minutes i'm allowed to find my seat. Once in train, i take a deep breath and know that everything is alright again. I'm not in my comfort zone any more, not yet in the magic but no more shit happens too.
Behind me is sitting a handsome young man. Olga, from Poland, sits next to him. They start speaking. Where are You from, where are You going, studying-working etc. The young man has a quite loud voice so that's why i overhear (and later listen to) their conversation. Olga is from Poland. The young man is local. He loves to dance. He goes to university, but he studies so boring stuff that he wouldn't bother her with that. He is 21. He has been together with his girlfriend for 7 months. He loves to write - "You want me to read You some?" (and he declaims something from his journal). He loves.. (here now i can't remember what they were talking about. I continue with my book).
But at one point the conversation catches my ear again.
-"I'm feeling antsy"
-"Oh, ok, why? she asks.
-Me and my girlfriend - I think we're going to break up tonight.
-Oh, I'm so sorry. Do You want some water.
-No, thank you. By the way, You have really beautiful eyes. I really love Your eyes.
In twenty minutes it's his stop. For some reason he does NOT ask for her number, but talks keeps on making compliments about her eyes. They wave to each other. They wave once more where he is off from the train and is standing on the platform and looks at Olga. And as the train starts to move again I can see from the reflection how Olga looks back at him, smiles and stays to gaze her eyes on reflection on the window.
I smile too. For Olga.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Neljapäev. Ikka jõulud. / Thursday. Still Xmas.
Kolimine.
See on olnud selle nädala teema. Homme juhtub palju- jääb maha see korter, Tema läheb Hondurasele ning Mina LAsse ning 10 päeva pärast naasedes jätkub elu-olu Oaklandi asemel hoopis Haywardis. Asjad on pakitud ning kolitud.
Ainult kuusk veel õitseb oma õnnes.
See on olnud selle nädala teema. Homme juhtub palju- jääb maha see korter, Tema läheb Hondurasele ning Mina LAsse ning 10 päeva pärast naasedes jätkub elu-olu Oaklandi asemel hoopis Haywardis. Asjad on pakitud ning kolitud.
Ainult kuusk veel õitseb oma õnnes.
Moving.
That has been the topic for this week. Tomorrow - we're going to leave this apartment behind, He goes to Honduras, I go to La (update: Santa Clara) and after 10 days when we both return, this story contiues instead of Oakland in Hayward. Things are packed and moved by now.
Only the xmas-tree is still blooming.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
esmaspäev. olen kohal aga jõuan veel.
/.../
Estonian Air - TLL-> AMS
Kui lennukisse sain ning pilvede kohale tõusin, tegi päike mu põsele pai - sain aru, et see oli ainuõige otsus - quest for the sun has begun.
Kui lennukisse sain ning pilvede kohale tõusin, tegi päike mu põsele pai - sain aru, et see oli ainuõige otsus - quest for the sun has begun.
Üritan magada.
Amsterdam, uutest turvaväravatest läbi (sest lend ju euroopast väljapoole) - turva küsib mu käest, et kuhu minek.
- Mina, et San Franciscosse.
- Aahah, seepärast ka kitarr, jah.
- Jah, just just. Siis tema muigega, et..
- "Salvestad plaadi, vä?" - Ma siis muigega vastu, et
- "Loodetavasti".
KLM - AMS- SFO
Mu kõrval on üks keskealine indiapäritolu meesterahvas (kes Tallinna asemel vist Delhi mu kodulinnaks kuulis) ning teisel pool naisterahvas, kel pisikese kotiga veel pisem kutsu kaasas. Vaene koerake, kes peale kaheksat lennutundi viimased kaks-pool (minu) südant lõhestavalt nutab. Kas droogide mõju hakkas kaduma, kõrvad lukus või põis lõhkemas - ei tea.
Mu kõrval on üks keskealine indiapäritolu meesterahvas (kes Tallinna asemel vist Delhi mu kodulinnaks kuulis) ning teisel pool naisterahvas, kel pisikese kotiga veel pisem kutsu kaasas. Vaene koerake, kes peale kaheksat lennutundi viimased kaks-pool (minu) südant lõhestavalt nutab. Kas droogide mõju hakkas kaduma, kõrvad lukus või põis lõhkemas - ei tea.
Lennuki toit on sitt ja pask - esimene eine mingid seened ning teine pizza. Üritan maksimaalselt magada. Vaatan ära "The Master'i" - siis magan veel. Ärkan taas, joon ühe minipudeli punast veini, jään purupurju ning magan veel. Vahepealsed tegevused on paar osa Suits'i, varvaste sirutamine ning vetsujärjekorras seismine.
USA - passikontroll.
Õnneks jõuan järjekorda suhteliselt esimeste hulgas ning saba mu selja taga venib paarisajapealiseks minutitega. Veel 15-20 minutit ootamist ning ongi minu kord.
Tavapärane kontroll - kust tulen, kuhu lähen, puhkus - töö?
- Nii, kelle aadress see siin paberil on (üks vorm, mis tuli lennukisolles täita ning siis passikontrollis esitada).
- Ütlen, et sõbra oma.
Selle peale meesterahvas naeratab veidralt ning ütles, et
Selle peale meesterahvas naeratab veidralt ning ütles, et
- "kui sa ööbid kellegi juures kaks kuud, siis vähim mis sa teha saad, on teda ikkagi oma noormeheks kutsuda. Millega Su noormees tegeleb?"
(misjasja? niimoodi siis leibeldataksegi ja defineeritakse suhteid. väga huvitav!)
Veel huvitavaid küsimusi:
- kuidas Sa said endale lubada olla kaks kuud töölt eemal?
- vastus: järelikult on mul hea boss.
-Kas kavatsed Usas ka tööd teha.
-Ei, mitte ametlikult.
(Oh FAKKKK! Kes ütleb passikontrollis, "ei, mitte ametlikult". Hallooo!!!)
Selle peale lähevad ka härral silmad tagurpidi, et misasja.
Noh, mina siis välja vabandama, et pole plaanis tööd teha, aga teha tööd (?!) .. oma projekti kallal.
- Mis projekt see on?
- Ma uurin.. mängu. (Appii, Loore, kas tõesti lollusel pole piire???)
- WHAT? What game?
(Kuna samal ajal pean andma masinale ka oma sõrmejälgi, siis tollele ekraanile jäävad minust maha neli märga laiku).
Mees leebub ning ütleb, et hea küll, las jääb.
Mul on süles mu arvutikott.
Ta küsib, et mis seal sees veel on.
Vastan, et arvuti ning mõned dokumendid.
- Palun näidake ette.
Kisun lehed välja. Samal ajal kui ta lappab mu lennupiletite koopiaid, kindlustust, ESTA-kinnitust jne, leiab ta äkki nende vahelt ka ühe roosal paberil eestikeelse to-do listi, mida enne reisi oma töölaual hoidsin-täitsin-maha kriipsutasin. See haarab ta tähelepanu ning küsib, et millega tegu.
Kisun lehed välja. Samal ajal kui ta lappab mu lennupiletite koopiaid, kindlustust, ESTA-kinnitust jne, leiab ta äkki nende vahelt ka ühe roosal paberil eestikeelse to-do listi, mida enne reisi oma töölaual hoidsin-täitsin-maha kriipsutasin. See haarab ta tähelepanu ning küsib, et millega tegu.
No ma siis jälle puterdama, et see on eesti keeles ning näe, seal on et pass ja check-in allpool kirjutatud ja ülemised asjad on, et a la raha vahetada jne.
Selle peale tuleb altkulmupilk ning mittemidagiütlev noogutus. Siis lajatab hoolega igasuguseid templeid igale poole ning soovib hääd olemist. (Huh, vedas!)
Siis otsin ütles oma pagasi ning loodan, et sellega mu grillimine läbi on. Kus Sa sellega. Tollele eelmainitud vormile on ta peale kritseldatud mingi märke, mis mind mõni hetk hiljem pagasikontrollis miskipärast hoopis teise järjekorda saadab. Nonnii?!
Minu ees on üks noormees, kelle kotti ikka korralikult läbi tuulatakse ning millest vähemalt kolmandik selle kõrval olevasse prügiurni lendab. Kontrollija avab noormehe kotis olevaid pakikesi ning pudeleid ning viskab neid lõdva randmega hoolimatult sellesse musta kilekotti. Okei, siin lähevad mu must leib ning Kama, šokolaadid ning kamatahvlid, mõtlen. Lisaks veel mine tea mis muu hirm ja häbi mu peale langeb, et seda vormi täites allkirjaga kinnitasin, et mu kotis ei ole toitu.
Äkitselt hõikab keegi "palun, neiu, tulge siia poole". See on kõrvalboksi kontrollija-noormees. Ka tema küsib, kust tulen-mis eesmärgil-kuhu lähen-keda külastan?
-"Noormehele külla", vastan kiirelt viis minutit tagasi õpitud kogemuse najalt.
- "Kitarr kaasas - muusik, jah?"
- Jajah, ja töötan näitlejana.
- "Oh-oho, mis filmides sa siis näidelnud oled?", küsib noormees, lootuses vast kuulsusega tutvuda.
- "Ei, ma töötan teatris".
- Aaa, ahah.
Ja vestlus lõppeb. Sellega tema huvi ka piirdub, ka seljakott ei huvita enam ning soovib mulle head. Naeratan ning higiloikudega mu kaenlaall tuigerdan väljapääsu poole. Kogu see eelnev on kõvasti mu energiat kulutanud ning tunnen kuidas veresuhkur on langenud koos hirmuga saapasäärde ning ka suukuivamist keele närimine kuidagi ei leevenda. Kuid kui ootamatult 15 sekundit hiljem lennujaamast välja astun ning taamal terendavad mäed ning kiiskav päike mult silmanägemise võtavad on kõik eelmainitu justkui kadunud ning naeratus valgub üle mu keha. Everything makes sense. Ning ma olen nii tänulik. Juba nüüd.
Ja vestlus lõppeb. Sellega tema huvi ka piirdub, ka seljakott ei huvita enam ning soovib mulle head. Naeratan ning higiloikudega mu kaenlaall tuigerdan väljapääsu poole. Kogu see eelnev on kõvasti mu energiat kulutanud ning tunnen kuidas veresuhkur on langenud koos hirmuga saapasäärde ning ka suukuivamist keele närimine kuidagi ei leevenda. Kuid kui ootamatult 15 sekundit hiljem lennujaamast välja astun ning taamal terendavad mäed ning kiiskav päike mult silmanägemise võtavad on kõik eelmainitu justkui kadunud ning naeratus valgub üle mu keha. Everything makes sense. Ning ma olen nii tänulik. Juba nüüd.
15 minutit hiljem saabub ka eelpool mainitud "boyfriend" ning avatud akendega kihutab volvo-loks-luks juba esimestesse ummikutesse ning sealt läbi biitchile, IPA õlled tagapingil kolisemas. Sülle pannakse mulle paberkott lõhnavaid mandariine ning kätt autoaknast lennukitiiva kombel välja sirutades tunnen kui hästi juba kõik on. Enne õhtut jõuab veel ka San Franciscos pisikese jalutuskäigu teha ning pisikesest poekesest "Somewhere over the rainbow"-viisiga kellamäng osta (see sama, mis mul kolm aastat tagasi Lissabonist ostmata jäi). Ent selleks hetkeks on mul silm ja samm kokku jooksmas ning 36tunnine ärkvelolek annab teadvusele tunda, et see pole see pole see ning korterisse jõudes suudan veel vaid aseme leida ning sellega lõpeb mu päev. Öösel ärkan veel paar korda, uskudes, et on ikka veel eesti aeg, ent ei.
Nüüd on hoopis teine aeg.
---
Estonian Air - TLL - AMS
When I got to the plane and as we rose above the clouds, the sun stroke my cheek - i knew that this was the one and only decision - quest for the sun has begun.
I try to sleep.
Amsterdam, new security gates (because the flight goes outside from europe) - the security asks me, where i am going.
-To San Francisco
- Oh, so that's why You have a guitar, right?
- Yes, exactly.
- You're going to release a record (he asks, with a little smile on his face)
- Hopefully, I say, and smile back at him.
KLM - AMS - SFO
On my left is sitting a middle-age indian man (who instead of Tallinn probably heard that i live in Delhi) and on my right is a middle-age woman, who carries a small dog with her. Poor dog, who after eight hours of flight the last two and half is crying his (and my) heart out. Probably the drugs don't work any more, or his ears popped or needs to pee - i dont know.
The food is totally crap - first meal is some sort of mushrooms and the second a pizza. I try to sleep some more. I watch "The Master" and sleep some more. I wake up, drink a mini bottle of red wine, which luckily thanks to the fact that I'm so drunk, gives me a good sleep. Other activities during flight - couple of episodes of the Suits, stretching my toes and standing in the line for the restrooms.
USA - passport control
Luckily this time I'm in the front end of the line and the tail behind me grows really long in just minutes. Yet another 15-20 minutes and I'm up.
The regular questions - where do I come from, where am I going, work or vacation?
-Who's address is here on the paper (i had to fill up a form during flight and give to the man in the security check).
- He's a friend of mine.
The man makes this funny grin and says
-"if You're going to stay at someones place for two months, the least You can do is call him Your boyfriend! (Pause!) What does Your boyfriend do?"
---
Estonian Air - TLL - AMS
When I got to the plane and as we rose above the clouds, the sun stroke my cheek - i knew that this was the one and only decision - quest for the sun has begun.
I try to sleep.
Amsterdam, new security gates (because the flight goes outside from europe) - the security asks me, where i am going.
-To San Francisco
- Oh, so that's why You have a guitar, right?
- Yes, exactly.
- You're going to release a record (he asks, with a little smile on his face)
- Hopefully, I say, and smile back at him.
KLM - AMS - SFO
On my left is sitting a middle-age indian man (who instead of Tallinn probably heard that i live in Delhi) and on my right is a middle-age woman, who carries a small dog with her. Poor dog, who after eight hours of flight the last two and half is crying his (and my) heart out. Probably the drugs don't work any more, or his ears popped or needs to pee - i dont know.
The food is totally crap - first meal is some sort of mushrooms and the second a pizza. I try to sleep some more. I watch "The Master" and sleep some more. I wake up, drink a mini bottle of red wine, which luckily thanks to the fact that I'm so drunk, gives me a good sleep. Other activities during flight - couple of episodes of the Suits, stretching my toes and standing in the line for the restrooms.
USA - passport control
Luckily this time I'm in the front end of the line and the tail behind me grows really long in just minutes. Yet another 15-20 minutes and I'm up.
The regular questions - where do I come from, where am I going, work or vacation?
-Who's address is here on the paper (i had to fill up a form during flight and give to the man in the security check).
- He's a friend of mine.
The man makes this funny grin and says
-"if You're going to stay at someones place for two months, the least You can do is call him Your boyfriend! (Pause!) What does Your boyfriend do?"
(What? This is how we label our relationships? Ok, that's interesting!)
More following questions:
-How could You afford Yourself a two-months trip away from work?
-I guess, i have a great boss.
-Are You going to work in USA?
-No, I mean, not officially.
(F*!!! Who says in security check that "not officially"?)
The man in front of me starts rolling his eyes. Therefore I start to apologise that, I'm not going to work, but.. to.. to do work (?!).. on a project of mine.
-What kind of a project?
-I'm interested in games and playing. (OMG!!!)
-What? What games???
Meanwhile I am supposed to give my fingerprints to one machine, yet of it's screen will be left only four wet marks.
Luckily he gives in pretty soon.
I'm carrying my mac-book in a sleeve. He asks, what else is in that bag.
I say, that a computer and some documents.
-Please, show me.
I take out the papers. As he is going through the print-outs of my tickets, insurance, ESTA-confirmation etc. he finds a little pink paper with a to-do list on it, written in estonian. He finds it interesting/suspicious (?) and asks, what is it.
As I'm quite nervous already, i start muttering.. it says.. pass - passport, check-in - You can read that, raha - money.
He gives me this look and a nod which says nothing and gets me even more confused. Then he slams all kinds of stamps everywhere and wishes me all the best. (Thank God, I got lucky!)
I go get my luggage and assume that this humiliation is now over. Oh no, no, no! On the fill-out-form he has scribbled some kind of a symbol, which a moment later takes me to another line. Oh, okay!?
In front of me is a young man who's bags get total make over and which contents (at least a third of it) finds it's way to a trash bin. The security -guy opens up several bottles and bags and throws them away without giving any serious thought about it. Ok, here goes my black bread and kama and chocolate and kama-bars, i assume. Including, i have no idea what kind of trouble i will get into because of my signature that i have to the fill-out-form saying i do not have any food in my bag.
Suddenly, someone shouts out "Hey, miss, please come this way". Another security guy is now ready for me. Again the same questions - where to, where from, why?
- I'm visiting my boyfriend! I shout out (because that's the label he just got five minutes ago.
-You have a guitar - You're a musician, yeah?
- Yes, and an actress.
-Oh, awesome! Which films are You in? he asks, hoping to meet a celebrity, probably.
- No, I work in a theater.
- Ehm, ok.
And that's the end of our conversation. He's not interested in me nor my bags any more and he wishes me all the best. I smile and feel the cold sweat all over my body as I find my way to the exit. All this previous has taken a lot of energy and I feel how the blood sugar has dropped down-down-down and my mouth is dry-dry-dry. Yet suddenly, 15 seconds later, as I step outside from the airport and the beautiful weather and mountains and sunshine take not only my breath away but I also lose my eyesight, I forget all the horrible stupid things I just experienced. I am so happy! Everything makes sense! I am so grateful! Already!
15 minutes later "the boyfriend" arrives and with the windows rolled down, our super-trooper-Volvo rushes through the traffic to the beach - IPA beers clanging on the backseat. I am given a paper bag full of tangerines. I put my arm outside the window as a wing and can feel how good everything already is. Before night we can make a short walk in Mission, SF and buy a small musicbox singing "Somewhere over the rainbow" - the one i never bought when i visited Liis in Lisbon three years ago. Yet by that time I'm out of breath and energy and the 36hrs-day is finally hitting me. As we get to the apartment I can barely find a pillow and that is the end of my day. During night I wake up still believing it to be the Estonian time. But now.
Now is a totally different kind of time.
More following questions:
-How could You afford Yourself a two-months trip away from work?
-I guess, i have a great boss.
-Are You going to work in USA?
-No, I mean, not officially.
(F*!!! Who says in security check that "not officially"?)
The man in front of me starts rolling his eyes. Therefore I start to apologise that, I'm not going to work, but.. to.. to do work (?!).. on a project of mine.
-What kind of a project?
-I'm interested in games and playing. (OMG!!!)
-What? What games???
Meanwhile I am supposed to give my fingerprints to one machine, yet of it's screen will be left only four wet marks.
Luckily he gives in pretty soon.
I'm carrying my mac-book in a sleeve. He asks, what else is in that bag.
I say, that a computer and some documents.
-Please, show me.
I take out the papers. As he is going through the print-outs of my tickets, insurance, ESTA-confirmation etc. he finds a little pink paper with a to-do list on it, written in estonian. He finds it interesting/suspicious (?) and asks, what is it.
As I'm quite nervous already, i start muttering.. it says.. pass - passport, check-in - You can read that, raha - money.
He gives me this look and a nod which says nothing and gets me even more confused. Then he slams all kinds of stamps everywhere and wishes me all the best. (Thank God, I got lucky!)
I go get my luggage and assume that this humiliation is now over. Oh no, no, no! On the fill-out-form he has scribbled some kind of a symbol, which a moment later takes me to another line. Oh, okay!?
In front of me is a young man who's bags get total make over and which contents (at least a third of it) finds it's way to a trash bin. The security -guy opens up several bottles and bags and throws them away without giving any serious thought about it. Ok, here goes my black bread and kama and chocolate and kama-bars, i assume. Including, i have no idea what kind of trouble i will get into because of my signature that i have to the fill-out-form saying i do not have any food in my bag.
Suddenly, someone shouts out "Hey, miss, please come this way". Another security guy is now ready for me. Again the same questions - where to, where from, why?
- I'm visiting my boyfriend! I shout out (because that's the label he just got five minutes ago.
-You have a guitar - You're a musician, yeah?
- Yes, and an actress.
-Oh, awesome! Which films are You in? he asks, hoping to meet a celebrity, probably.
- No, I work in a theater.
- Ehm, ok.
And that's the end of our conversation. He's not interested in me nor my bags any more and he wishes me all the best. I smile and feel the cold sweat all over my body as I find my way to the exit. All this previous has taken a lot of energy and I feel how the blood sugar has dropped down-down-down and my mouth is dry-dry-dry. Yet suddenly, 15 seconds later, as I step outside from the airport and the beautiful weather and mountains and sunshine take not only my breath away but I also lose my eyesight, I forget all the horrible stupid things I just experienced. I am so happy! Everything makes sense! I am so grateful! Already!
15 minutes later "the boyfriend" arrives and with the windows rolled down, our super-trooper-Volvo rushes through the traffic to the beach - IPA beers clanging on the backseat. I am given a paper bag full of tangerines. I put my arm outside the window as a wing and can feel how good everything already is. Before night we can make a short walk in Mission, SF and buy a small musicbox singing "Somewhere over the rainbow" - the one i never bought when i visited Liis in Lisbon three years ago. Yet by that time I'm out of breath and energy and the 36hrs-day is finally hitting me. As we get to the apartment I can barely find a pillow and that is the end of my day. During night I wake up still believing it to be the Estonian time. But now.
Now is a totally different kind of time.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Pühapäev ja pannkoogid
Hommik ja lõuna
Päike ja pilved
Valu ja väsimus
Jalutuskäik ja mets
Ööülikool ja Peeter Laurits
Kaneel ja kardemumma
Üksindus ja koosolemine
Korvpall ja juutuub
Game of Thrones ja Kristo Viiding
Prosecco ja punane
Hesburger ja frenchfries
Delicatessen ja Big Bang
Martin ja Ott
Õhtu ja öö
Monday, July 9, 2012
Motivation wall
Eile oli pühapäev, 8. juuli ja see tähendas vaid kahte asja. Viisime Kevinile auto tagasi. Tegime ka Kevinile teene ning korjasime ta aiast viigipuult kõik viljad ära (ta ise ei söö neid - ütleb, et ei paku pinget). Sealt edasi vurastime Jack London Square'ile, kus igal pühapäeval on farmers market, et osta värskeid vilju ja marju. Taas valisin kompoti-moosi tegemiseks värskeid aprikoose, nektariine ja ploome. Tahtsin õhtusöögiks teha ka herne-mündi püreesuppi, aga hernestel pole hooaeg ja piparmünti ei leidnud.
Siis jalutasime kaks kvartalit üles, et minna Sinise Pudeli kohvipoodi. Käisime seal ka üleeile hommikul. See on väike koht, mis alustaski nurgapealse kohvipoena, aga nüüd on levinud üle maa. Ostsin ka väheke ube, mida Eestisse kaasa võtta. Aga täna hommikuse seisuga on selline tunne, et see pakikene jääb siia ja tuleb uus osta.
Siis viis tee meid veel kaks kvartalit edasi ühte õllebaari, Beer Revolution, kus proovisin erinevaid IPA-sid. Alguses plaanisime seal olla vaid "ühe õlle", kuna kõht tühi ja nii.. Aga siis tulid sinna Tema sõber Mario, koos oma naise Bailiga, kuna mõlemad olid huvitatud ühe eestlanna nägemisest. Päike paitas me päid ja põski ja see oli hea. Hiljem käisime ka neil külas ja siis sõidutati meid tagasi me rataste juurde, kust siis küpsenud viljade ja salatitega tagasi koju vurasime.
Aeg pannkookideks.
Kama ja kaneel ja keefir ja nood samad "õnnelike kanade õnnelikud munad" ja värske moos ja rõõmu kui palju.
Õhtu saabus vara ja uni sai magus.
Täna hommikul oli mingi jonn ja pidin selle ära jooksma ning parki maha jätma.
Nüüd on juba parem. Sõime pannkooke ja äkitselt tõi Ta kaks pitsi Vana Tallinnaga. See tõi hea biidi jälle tagasi.
Väljas on ilm pilves ja isegi pisut jahe, kuigi lubas vastupidist.
Aga ehk ilm selgineb, siis taas SF tänavate vahele ekslema ja eksima.
Nii lühike tänane (eilne) lugu saigi.
Soovin head.
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